It's "We" Not "Me": What it Really Means to Become One Flesh
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
In this well-known passage we learn how and why woman was created by God, we are made to be helpers to our husbands, and we learned that when we get married, we become one flesh. We all know the obvious definition for “becoming one flesh” but it’s so much more than just describing sex, becoming one with our husbands also means that we are living our two lives as one life. There is no “me,” it’s “we” in marriage.
I’ve had the idea for this post for months now but something was holding me back. I think partially it’s because I know that I am not a perfect wife, I try but I know that I am far from perfect and I think it’s also because I know that what is in this post is the complete opposite from how today’s culture tells us to live. It’s scary to go against the grain, especially when I know that I don’t live it out perfectly, but the Biblical side of things needs to be shared with the world and the fact that I know I’m not perfect, means I can ask for and receive grace. With that being said, let’s jump into what it means to “become one flesh.”
I think perhaps it is part of the whole feminist movement thing that has society telling us that we need to be 100% independent, even after we are married. [p.s. I highly recommend the podcast Sheologians to get a Christian perspective on the feminist movement). Women think it’s oppressive to take their husband’s last name, being a stay-at-home mom or homemaker is looked down upon because it means we don’t have our own money, and non-believers may look at your funny when you say you need to check with your husband first before making plans.
But let me tell you, in the Bible it is very clear about it being “we” and not “me” in marriage.
There is one couple in particular that I want us to look at for this example of what it means to become one flesh with your husband. You may not have heard of this couple or paid attention to them before, but I love this couple, they are such a great example of not only Christian marriage but they are also great examples of what it means to share the Gospel.
Priscilla and Aquila
We are introduced to Priscilla and Aquila in Acts 18, Paul meets them in Corinth and ends up staying with them for a bit because like him, they were tentmakers. Let’s look at a few important points about Priscilla and Aquila:
1. They worked together (v. 3)
This means that they spent like all of their time together. Can you imagine how much patience, grace, and forgiveness they had to give each other?!
2. They are never mentioned apart.
Everything they did, they did together.
3. They shared the Gospel together. (v. 26)
When sharing the Gospel with non- and new- believers, they did the Lord's work together as a team.
I am not saying that we need to copy Priscilla and Aquila and be with our husbands 24/7 and do literally everything with them but we do need to understand that we do need to do things alongside our husbands and in order to do that we need to show each other patience, grace, and forgiveness.
I can’t imagine that Aquilla ever tried to live a lifestyle that made it look like she was doing her own thing apart from her husband. I mean, I know she wasn’t perfect, but she was pretty awesome!
---if you enjoyed studying Aquilla and Priscilla, you’ll love my online Bible study, Women of the Word. One of the women in the study is Priscilla, you will get to go into more detail about her life as well as 29 other women from the Bible---
I have a few questions for you to ponder after studying Priscilla and Aquilla.
➝ Do you put more value on your independence than on working alongside your husband?
➝ How can you make an effort to spend more time working alongside your husband (again, whether that is work as in a career or work as in volunteering at church)?
If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear your answers in the comments below or you can shoot me an email if you’d like to share your answers but want them to remain private.