How to Ask for Help as a New or Pregnant Mama
Pride. It gets in our way often and sometimes it’s sneaky so we don’t even realize that pride is what is blocking our paths. Proverbs 29:23 (MSG) says, “Pride lands you flat on your face; humility prepares you for honors.” I know our culture puts a lot of pressure on us as moms to have it all together, all the time but I want to encourage you to put that pressure aside and humble yourself before your friends and family, so you can actually ask for help as a new or pregnant mama.
Two of the biggest transitions you will go through as a woman are 1) pregnancy and 2) the newborn phase and nowhere does it say in the Bible that we have to go through these seasons alone and do them perfectly. Drop that pride and just ask for help during those seasons.
Are you exhausted and do smells bother you, making it difficult for you to do the dishes? Ask for help! Does baby have nights and days confused and you just desperately need one or two hours of sleep? Ask for help!
Don’t compare yourself to what other moms seem to be doing because you will never see the whole picture. If you don’t even know where to go for help, I encourage you to work on building a community around yourself and your family so you can ask for help and you can give help and support to others in your community.
Is asking for help super foreign to you? I know it was to me, when I was a first-time mama. I wanted it to appear like I had it all together but ya’ll…..I had zero clue what I was doing. I wish I had asked a friend who could be more like a mentor to me, for help and support during those days. I’m in my third pregnancy now and I’ve gotten significantly better at asking for help. I have been nauseous for this entire pregnancy (I’ve been taking Zofran ‘round the clock since the first trimester) and it’s been hard for me to take care of the house and take care of my two boys. I’ve had no option but to ask for help, especially on days when my husband has extra long work days.
Since I know asking for help can be hard for many new or pregnant mamas, I want to walk you through how to ask for help and how to be okay with asking for help.
How to Ask for Help
1. Build Your Community
To have people to ask for help, you need to start building a community around yourself and your family. I know many moms who were not born and raised in our area and therefore they feel like they don’t feel like they have people they can ask for help, since their family is far away. Build up your community and you can have family close to home. You just have to push that pride aside and allow people to help you. You can read more about build a community as a stay-at-home mom, here.
2. Be Clear and Direct
Some people just don’t take hints well. Simply saying, “I have been so sick during this pregnancy, I can barely take care of my other kids,” and then waiting for someone to offer help, is highly unlikely to work. Instead, be clear and direct and tell them exactly what you need. “I have been so sick during this pregnancy, I can barely take care of my other kids. Do you think I could drop them off with you for an afternoon so I can get some rest?”
3. Trust That They Will Say No If It Doesn’t Work For Them
I know my friends pretty well so I know when it is or isn’t a good time to ask a particular person for help, but I’ve also always made it clear to them that if I ask for help and it is too much for them and the time, they can say no and I’m not going to be upset. You also need to allow people to say no. Don’t force things on them, be understanding that their schedule may be packed or there may be struggles that you don’t know about it and that’s why they can’t help you. If someone does say no after you’ve asked for help, don’t be discouraged; just go ahead and ask someone else.
4. Show Thanks
I am terrible at writing thank you notes but my goal is to get better (although it has been my goal for awhile…….) because writing a short note of thanks to someone is the perfect way to thank them for helping you out while you are pregnant or in the newborn season. If you’re terrible at thank you notes as well, just be sure to express your gratitude and thanks often. And when you are in a less crazy season, do your best to find a way to help them out like they helped you.
The theme through all of this is PRIDE. Asking for help is so much easier when you have made the conscious decision to not let pride get in your way. Comment below and tell me what you struggle with in asking for help.